At our tournament this year we will have a baby remembrance of babies that our foundation has helped, or that we have met along our journey of establishing and running the foundation.  We believe it is important to share their stories and say their names.

We are remembering Toby today. I found Toby’s Mommy, Katie, through her writings about losing Toby.  Through her words I was able to relate and validate my feelings after we lost Rhett.  Katie and her husband have started a non-profit, The Little Fox Foundation. The Little Fox supports families by educating on Safe Sleep Practices, SIDS Awareness and donating Owlet Smart Sock monitors to families across the United States welcoming an infant.  This is Toby’s story….

Tobias “Toby” Graham Stern

May 27, 2016 – August 24, 2016

“August 24 was a normal morning – we got up and got Luke and Toby ready for the babysitters and we got ready for our work day. I drove the boys to daycare; got Luke out of the car and carried Toby inside in his car seat. I kissed both boys and said “I love you both. Be good today. Dad will pick you up and I will see you at home.” That afternoon around 2pm Toby went down for his afternoon nap and he didn’t wake up. Dan and I got the calls while we were at work and Toby was transported to the hospital without us. Dan made it to the hospital before I did and watched as 20+ medical staff tried to revive Toby. When I got there it was nearly 5pm. Toby was pronounced dead at 4:12pm. On my drive to the hospital all I kept saying repeatedly was “Toby, I’m coming. God please help him.” The next time I held Toby, he was already gone. We sat with him until 10pm. Leaving him in the hospital room with people that didn’t even know him was one of the hardest moments, of that time in our life, I ever experienced.

We miss watching him grow; playing with his brothers; not hearing him laugh or take his first steps. We miss every moment of him not being here, down to the things that most people take for granted. 

In our grief, we started a Foundation in Toby’s memory in 2017, almost a year after he died. Dan and I knew that Toby’s life and story had purpose and that his memory was meant to live on through us. Our Foundation donates Owlet Smart Socks to families welcoming an infant to provide “peace of mind” for the parents and caregivers and monitor the infant while they sleep.

Toby’s death has changed my husband and I and Toby’s older brother in many ways. Dan and I don’t feel like we will ever be the same people as we were before August 24, 2016.  Emotionally, many things still make my heart break – watching siblings together; hearing Luke talk about Toby and knowing how much he misses him; certain times of year – holidays or birthdays.  Financially we were blessed to have the support of our family, friends, and community after Toby passed away. 

Any way that the Rhett Sullivan Foundation can help another family when a child dies, is support to them.”

~Toby’s Mommy

At our tournament this year we will have a baby remembrance of babies that our foundation has helped, or that we have meet along our journey of establishing and running the foundation.  We believe it is important to share their stories and say their names.

Today we remember Aaron. Aaron’s Mommy, Dana, was one of the first loss moms I met after Rhett passed away.  We were paired up through Hope Mommies Dallas as our stories and family dynamics were very similar. I can’t thank Dana enough for always being a listening ear and offering such kind and sweet advice, no matter what my feelings or questions were. This is Aaron’s story…

Aaron Josiah Tran

August 14, 2016 – December 16, 2016

“Nine days before Christmas, we were preparing to leave for a party with the entire family in tow. Aaron had been napping longer than usual and it was about time to leave, so I (Dana) went upstairs to get him dressed. I found him unresponsive and despite multiple attempts by my husband, paramedics, and the ER doctor, he was unable to be resuscitated.

There are so many little everyday things we miss about Aaron. I (Dana) miss nursing him. I miss his knowing looks. I miss his knowing looks when I was nursing him. I miss knowing what he would be like at 5 months, 1 year, 18 years old…him being a father. I miss being able to dream about his future. I (Ly) miss his smell, the way he showed his comfort with me by rubbing his face into and laying his head down on my chest.  In the beginning, grief took center stage in our lives and everything would trigger us and making decisions felt overwhelming. One driver that kept us going in that first year was the need to care for our other children and also realizing how necessary it was to lean into the pain and suffering in order to find healing. 2.5 years later, the pain of losing our son is just as acute as the night we found him gone, but the grief is integrated into our new reality.

What seems less often shared, most likely due to the difficulty of discerning the difference, is that we experienced trauma (PTSD) before grief. It was impossible to turn off the chaos on the night we found Aaron, and we would relive those moments over and over again. After some trauma counseling, we were able to start the grieving process which basically consumed us for a long time. Today, we look and act the same on the outside, but we feel completely changed on the inside.

I remember the irony of receiving the hospital bill and realizing that the ER visit cost as much as it did to birth our son, which is no small number. We were extremely blessed by a community of family, friends, and co-workers that provided for us in every way imaginable, including financial, emotional, physical, and spiritual support. Because those needs were taken care of, we had the freedom to focus on grieving as a family. I can’t emphasize how important that was for our healing and ability to move forward in life.

Having family or friends who can empathize with our loss come alongside us was a God-send. I am so grateful for organizations like the Rhett Sullivan Foundation that can meet the needs of those who do not have the same level of support that we received. The Sullivans themselves experienced a tragedy so truly understand all the needs that arise out of devastation. They recognized that having to worry about unexpected expenses kept families from fully grieving, which can impact everyday life.”

~Aaron’s Mommy & Daddy

I cried on a commercial flight a few days ago.  This isn’t the first time it’s happened, unfortunately, and likely won’t be the last.  I’ve spent a lot of time on airplanes over the last couple of years and typically I’ll just put my mind on a playlist, then drift off to sleep prior to take-off, but when you’ve got an eager 8 year old little lady sitting next to you ready to get to Disneyland, that’s tough to do.

These moments always catch me by surprise.  Most times, I can direct my attention to work, our family or other daily/weekly activities.  It’s a grind, but staying in a routine keeps your mind off those things that aren’t at all routine.  Then, you decide to give First Man a look on the AA Entertainment offering on your way out to Southern California for a long summer vacation and there it is…the child loss theme that brings all those feelings you’ve been avoiding right back into play.  Don’t get me wrong, child loss needs to be openly discussed and those suffering from the grief should have the support to do so.   I don’t know how the critics rated the movie, but I enjoyed it, even as I used my beverage napkin to wipe away the tears so no one would catch me and start asking if I’m ok, because as much as I want to say “No” to that question, I won’t most times.

The theme of child loss in this movie and how they portrayed it with Neal (the dad) is spot on.  I believe he struggled silently and in his own time, like many of us, but it never went away.  Most parents don’t bring it up at all.  We don’t talk to those we work with about it, and generally not to anyone about it, but in our own time, we always think about our boy and what might have been.  It hurts.  I can’t tell you how much it hurts or how much we hate it, and I think we’ve resigned to the fact that it’ll always be there, into eternity, until one day we meet again.

We have made our loss a very public thing with Rhett’s Foundation.  In our family, we talk about Rhett and of losing him.  We want our girls to talk to us and others about it and we never want to suppress it into some dark corner that goes unnoticed.  In fact, the best thing others can do is say Rhett’s name.  It means so much to remind us you remember him.  I’m sure the same goes for other parents who experience child loss.  At least, those we’ve been connected with through these efforts have echoed the same feelings.

This summer has been a productive one for the Foundation.  We held our first restaurant fundraiser at State Draft House in Flower Mound, TX, and raised over $5,000!  We celebrated Rhett’s 2^nd birthday, July 3^rd, on the beach, which is becoming a bit of a tradition the last two years.  Then, we returned home to finish the planning of our Inaugural Golf Tournament fundraiser, which looks to be a great success.  We’ll dedicate an entire blog entry to the golf tournament (which is SOLD OUT!) and have some huge announcements to make on that front very soon!

In the meantime, see below for the latest updates on our progress:

• Continuing to grow our outreach, with over 650 followers on Facebook and Instagram, and added many new subscribers to our monthly newsletter.
• Recently added new partners in Texas Health Flower Mound, Medical City Lewisville, M.E.N.D., Team Mercy, Scared Sidless, Hope Mommies and Mother’s Milk Bank of North Texas.
• Financially/Emotionally supported 10 families to date and continued to deliver “Love and Comfort” packages to multiple local hospitals.

We are looking forward to our most active months through this coming September, so keep us in your prayers and help us live out our mission.

Much love,

Rhett’s Mom and Dad

Happy Easter!  With grief after child loss, or any loss for that matter, Easter is one of those holidays that just gets tough to work your way through.  The general theme of death and rebirth are an unwelcome reminder of those that aren’t miraculously reborn to celebrate with us.  Familial gatherings and family traditions such as Easter celebrations are always extremely difficult for us still, because Rhett should be running around chasing bunnies and collecting a bounty of eggs with his sisters, grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. 

However, there is comfort and hope around Easter, as well.  We get to gather with our closest support system in our family and friends to celebrate our faith and the ability to rise out of the lowest of lows.  While we may get down, we can recognize all the ways we are actually blessed, when at times, blessed seems to be the worst word to describe our state of being.  With this time of year comes Spring, baseball and golf, new growth and warmth, sunny days and new life.  Storm season is upon us, and even that has some kind of spiritual effect on us, when drawing parallels with waves of grief.  All storms pass, and make way for perfect, calm days on the other side.

Reach out and let us know how we may be able to help you, or those around you, get through their own depressing times.  We’re happy to put our time and effort into comforting others dealing with such loss.

We’ve got some big announcements to make this Spring! The Rhett Sullivan Foundation has started touching lives in our child loss community already, and we’re ready to do much more.  Over the last several weeks, we’ve been focused on outreach to the community and we’d like to THANK YOU for helping us expand our presence!

Latest News…

• Picked up another 60 Facebook followers over the last two months!  Keep sharing updates with your network and invite friends to join!
• Initiated a Monthly Newsletter and Email List to inform our contacts of latest news and events.  If you aren’t receiving the newsletter, please visit the Contact Us link on the website and fill out the form. 
• Established 10 New Partnerships to facilitate identification and support for family beneficiaries of our mission!  Our new partners include:

Merit Memorial, Mulkey Mason Funeral Home, Flower Mound Funeral Home,
Texas Health Denton, Village Counseling, DeBerry Funeral Home, Medical City Lewisville, Roselawn Memorial Park, Mindful Counseling, Connections Wellness Group

New 2019 Fundraising Events Announced…

• Restaurant Night – Benefitting the Rhett Sullivan Foundation – Sponsored by State Draft House and Craft Kitchen in Flower Mound, TX.  May 16^th, 11AM to 10PM. Get all the latest information at our Facebook event page.
• Inaugural Rhett Sullivan Golf Drive – Cowboys Golf Club, Grapevine, TX. September 9^th.  Seeking all golfers, corporate sponsors, volunteers and dinner/reception attendees!  Family-friendly reception following the tournament.  More details to come!

On a personal note, we’re off to Vernon, TX this weekend to spend time with family and best of all, attend the dedication of a new playground donated and installed in memory of our son, Rhett, at the Boys and Girls Club of Vernon.  While this donation did not happen through the foundation, we want to share how Rhett’s legacy continues to make an impact.  While this weekend’s holiday is sure to bring sadness and grief, we’ll all be so proud of our son for making an impact in young children’s lives by bringing great joy each day through play in one of our hometowns.  A little excerpt from the recent press release –

Rhett’s legacy, and his memorable smile, that adorns the sign that overlooks the playground, will live on in our community for years to come. “We’re so thankful and proud to provide the children of my hometown community a moment of joy each day at the Boys and Girls Club.” Ryan states. “For our son’s sweet smile to adorn this playground for years to come, and for his name to be remembered, gives us our own small moment of joy, as well, knowing he is continuing to make an impact in other young lives all on his own.”

Much Love,

Rhett’s Mom and Dad

Rhett Sullivan Foundation is an exempt organization as described in Section 501(c)(3) of the Internal Revenue Code.

Happy Belated Valentine’s Day to all of you!  While such a minor holiday on the calendar, Valentine’s Day has always been a fun tradition we share with the kids.  Ryan typically gets home to cook dinner for all his ladies, complete with dessert, treats and flowers, and the girls just love it.  We really enjoy outwardly sharing our love for each other on this day, and of course, wish we had our Rhett here to celebrate with us.  We know he’d do something extra special for his Mommy and big sisters every year.

This month, Tyler has made the leap to focus on the Rhett Sullivan Foundation full-time, leaving a productive career behind to spend more time with our own family and do all we can to improve the lives of other grieving families around us through this non-profit.  The additional time spent in building this organization is already noticeable, and we’re thankful we are blessed to be able to make that transition.

A few quick housekeeping updates for all those that have supported us so far…

• We’ve got only 335 followers on Facebook, which is our primary outlet for news. Please engage with us in our promotion efforts and ask you friends to join in.  Share our social media posts and send our updates to all those you think would have interest in supporting us or simply staying in-tune with our progress.  Every bit helps, and we’re extremely focused on expanding our reach over the next several months.
• Thanks again for all your donations in last year’s fundraising campaign! Thank you letters will be going out soon, we apologize for the delay.  Please know your donation is greatly valued! If you did not receive a letter for tax purposes when you donated, please reach out.
• We’re excited to announce that we are officially set-up on AmazonSmile! Amazon donates 0.5% of the price of your eligible AmazonSmile purchases to the charitable organization of your choice.  Choose to support the Rhett Sullivan Foundation by starting your shopping at amazon.com. To continue to support every time you order, you have to order from the AmazonSmile site each time.
• We would like to have everyone join our mailing list to receive newsletters and other updates via email. Please visit the Contact Us link on the website and fill out the form.  This will also help us maintain contact information for all of our supporters in the event we need to reach you directly for donation receipts, fundraising and volunteer opportunities.  We’d love to have you forward these updates along to friends, family and coworkers to spread our message.

Finally, we’d like to extend a big THANK YOU to Sable Gonyea & Rebekah Mitchell and the rest of the DFW Pregnancy & Infant Loss Comfort Connection.  Tyler was invited to participate in their most recent meeting in January, in Irving, TX, where several non-profits supporting bereaved families experiencing child loss meet regularly to collaborate and share in their own experiences and successes.  Last month, Hope Mommies Dallas presented to the group.  We would ask that you all check-out their cause, as they were a major source of support for us in our worst moments.  Also in attendance were M.E.N.D., A Memory Grows, Village Counseling and Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep…all worthy organizations on the mission to helping bereaved families

We look forward to future meetings and the opportunity to present our cause with the group, and impact to the community.

Spring is on its way here, and that means time to get outside and play with those kiddos as much as you can.  We are beginning to make plans for 2019 fundraising events, so let us know if you would like to participate, have any fundraising ideas or would like to volunteer.  As always, we encourage you all to introduce us to families in need of our assistance, and to continue to make connections between us and counseling services, funeral directors, cemeteries and healthcare social workers who can connect us to those families in need.  Most importantly, please help us expand our reach to the community through social media, email, phone calls, etc.  We’re here and able to help!

Much Love,

Rhett’s Mom and Dad

Rhett Sullivan Foundation is an exempt organization as described in Section 501(c)(3) of the Internal Revenue Code.